Hi friend,
There was a simple reason why I married my man. I did so because I loved him and I felt his love toward me. I don’t think I’m alone in this because I believe this is the same reason why most brides married their husband. We didn’t say ‘yes’ to our man because we wanted to go through life feeling discouraged or rejected by them. We said ‘yes’ because they made us feel treasured.
As wives, we need to feel cherished by our husbands but sometimes in our marital relationship the love extended by our husbands toward us can sometimes lessen or fade away. This can happen for a number of reasons:
1) The newness of the marital relationship has worn off and our husbands don’t know how to show us love when those warm, fuzzy feelings have diminished.
2) They are consumed by other pursuits therefore their focus is elsewhere. They are either busy or they don’t think there’s a need to give their wife the love she needs. In a husband’s mind, he thinks everything is fine in the marriage.
3) The man doesn’t care to love his wife, all he cares about is himself.
4) As wives, we can make it difficult for our men to love us because our actions and attitudes are, well… unlovable.
Being that we are known sinners, our husbands have a tall order to fill according to the Scriptures:
Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her. Ephesians 5:25
I personally believe this is an insurmountable task, especially for some husbands who dwell with a hard to love wife. As a woman, I honestly think we got the easier command to just submit and respect our men!
So I ask you this question.
Do you make it easy for your husband to love you?
Of course we’re not perfect and we’re going to fall short, but over all in your marriage would you say that your actions and attitude toward your man makes him scream,
“I can’t help but love this woman?”
Since love is an action, here are some ways you can help foster the love connection in your marriage because that's what you want, right? It's what I want! I don't believe you and I had high hopes of having a mediocre marriage when we said yes to our men and when we said yes to our dress!
1. Give your husband respect, (whether he deserves it or not).
Respect, just like love, is an action. It took me a while to learn that respecting my husband is not based on my personality, nor my feelings toward him. It's the same premise as a husband loving his wife. You and I would never want our man to not love us because of his personality or because we were having some less than lovable moments!
2. Follow his leadership and submit to him.
In case you don't like the 'S' word, think of submission as simply being supportive of your guy. And by the way, never ever, ever submit to your husband's sin because this is not biblical! Don't let your man spiritually manipulate you about this either!
3. Offer to help him.
4. Make eye contact when he’s speaking to you.
Yeah, this one I have to be extremely intentional about! I have to remind myself to put down my computer or phone when my husband is speaking to me.
5. Be trustworthy and honorable.
6. Ask him how he feels respected by you and then bless him by doing it. I'll give you more ideas on this later on in the course.
Nevertheless let each one of you in particular so love his own wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband. Ephesians 5:33
7. Watch your words.
Make sure they are uplifting and encouraging. One of the reasons why our men probably married us was because they thought we were kind and sweet. I know my man didn’t stand at the end of the wedding aisle waiting for me to say ‘I do’ to him so I could say angry and hurtful words to him on a regular basis. Unless it's once a month during shark week! (tee hee)
Pleasant words are a honeycomb, sweet to the soul and healing to the bones. Proverbs 16:24
She opens her mouth with wisdom, and on her tongue is the law of kindness. Proverbs 31:26
8. Have a cheerful heart.
No one enjoys being around a person who is constantly complaining and grumbling. I've had to learn to let go of certain standards in my home so I don't tear down my marriage all because I've put too many responsibilities or expectations upon myself. I want my husband to look forward to coming home to me, therefore, I'm always working on my attitude and actions. Yeah, even when our home was foreclosed upon I had to find my joy in the Lord and not my circumstances!
A merry heart makes a cheerful countenance, But by sorrow of the heart the spirit is broken. Proverbs 15:13
And my soul shall be joyful in the LORD; It shall rejoice in His salvation. Psalm 35:9
9. Let things go.
Don’t hold a grudge. When we do that, we communicate to our husbands that we think they’ve screwed up and we no longer respect them. This type of action and attitude hurts men deeply so don’t be surprised if your man pulls away from you. The bitterness in your heart will rob you of the love you desire.
Let all bitterness, wrath, anger, clamor, and evil speaking be put away from you, with all malice. Ephesians 4:31
10. Continue to become more like Jesus Christ.
As we grow in Godly character, this will naturally spill over into our marital relationship. Of course, becoming more like Jesus doesn’t just happen overnight. It takes time, dying to self, (ugh!) and complete devotion to following the Lord and His word.
“He must increase, but I must decrease. John 3:30
Now keep this in mind… As wives, if we have a desire to please the Lord, the natural by-product of this is that we will constantly be seeking to respect and support our husbands. Well, this same premise applies to our husbands. If they desire to please the Lord, then our men will be learning and seeking to love us like Christ loved the church. These two things are an on-going process for the type of marriage that God intended. Which happens to be a fabulous kind of marriage, by the way! simple short wedding dresses
So the question remains. What kind of marriage do you want to have? Are you willing to pursue it?
Wisdom tip for Day 2: Pick one area on the list above and put it into practice today.
Embrace your choice,
Jolene Engle